As I write this blog we are flying at 37000 feet above sea level, Most passengers have taken to sleep, I have taken to writing. I now know which route I have taken, and those are the variables that I can control, of course there is a multitudinous amount of things that can go wrong... But as it is in life, I have no bearing on those variables. I have made sure that everything that I can control is being done to the best of my and my teams ability. I am on the threshold of the most important next few months of my life, and I am prepared for the fight, because that is essentially what it boils down to, you fight for your life, with every ounce of it you have left.
I am on my way to Stanford University, Palo Alto aka Silicon Valley (named after the silicon computer chip, not implants) where I will begin my treatment. At the moment I have no idea what to expect, all I do understand is that they will be performing a biopsy of the tumor in my brain. Sorry for the gory details, but I am going to be as honest as possible over the next few weeks. The biopsy begins with drilling a hole into my forehead, and then inserting an endoscopic microscope through that hole. They will then work through my frontal lobe, corpus calossum, and into my 1&2 ventricles, where they then will descend into my 3rd ventricle. Once there, they will begin the tedious task of determining what this tumor is, and remove it somehow. The outcome of the biopsy will be to know the enemy, and I have every intention of eradicating this slow growing mass from every living organism in my body.
As in flying across the world, there are risks with the operation. But I accept these risks, these are the risks that people need to understand in order to drive the human psyche further. Of course brain surgery has risks, but I also have full faith in my team as well as my doctors at Stanford. These are the people that will be in my head, and It provides an unnatural feeling that they will be in my brain, moving amongst my most private thoughts, with very small tolerances for error. But asked if I would rather roll over and let this consume me, my answer would be never. To get into the belly of this beast, they have to get into my brain, and I do not have the tools necessary for that. The doctors at Stanford do.
I have made sure that my life is in control, I am doing what I need to to ensure that when I give them my arm and say "boys lets go, I will see you on the other side", that I am comfortable. My relationships with my loved ones and friends are strong, and I am constantly reminded of their incredible strength and support everyday. My body is strong, or at least stronger than most believe it is. I have endured a large number of operations and I'm in for more, but I will take them. I am fortunate that I have unbelievable friends who are willing to scale the lengths of the world to be with me. To everyone back home, I have no doubt that you wish you were on this plane with me. Ally, not even 18260 km will keep me from you.
Then there are the uncontrollable variables, and in this case it is daunting to think my life could be coming to an end. But its in times like this that you realize the importance of living, I am 24 and I have accepted the the fact that i have a brain tumor, and the idea of death, but I will not succumb to her call... Not yet. I have a lot of fight within me, and I will walk away from this stronger. My strongest asset is my mind, because it is there that any battle is won or lost, and this whole fight, mentally and physically is happening in my head.
I would not wish this on anyone, no person deserves the torment of cancer or tumors lodged in the centre of their brain. Accepting that these things happens helps, and I feel that I would not let anyone fight this battle for me. I know I can beat this, I know my number is not up, and I'm ready for the fight. My controllable variables are all in order, and as for the uncontrollables...I don't have a bearing on them anyway, so I might as well enjoy the ride.
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