Two sides to every coin.

Cancer is a funny thing, it has an incredible power to destroy people and whole families, much like the death of a person. The sad part is that people treat it like a death while the person is still living. I have experienced this feeling. The fleeting moment when someone looks into your eyes for one second as a normal person, only to change their tone once they find out your diagnosis. People with cancer don't want to be treated differently, and those of us strong enough still want to be handled and treated the same as any other person. It is in those moments that life is real, that you don't have to worry about your impending operation or when your radiation starts, because that is living life.

That is the feeling I never want to lose, and I still maintain that feeling as my family and friends have never treated me differently. So, even though cancer is this disease that kills, it also has a tremendous capability to heal. Not just heal the individual with cancer, but also rifts that exist within your own personal environment. People get so carried away with the small stuff, that they forget the bigger picture. I guess cancer has helped me see my environment wholly, and unbiased. People have their own fights, and we go through some form of battle everyday. Some are more significant than others, but the moral of that story is that we are all fighters and battlers, ultimately preparing ourselves for the moment that will define us and our purpose.

I lay in bed last night talking to my girlfriend, Alice, and I told her something I have never told anyone before. I always had a feeling I was going to get cancer, but I also always knew I was going to beat it.  I don't know why, but I always had the feeling in the back of my mind (oddly enough that is where my tumor sits) that I would have cancer. But along with that thought, I also knew that whatever it is, I will beat it. That isnt to say that lesser people die from cancer, that is untrue. Incredibly strong and charismatic people die from cancer all the time, and it is unfair.

When you are more aware of cancer you pick up on things. Little sayings in movies, articles in magazines and general discussion. Cancer is everywhere, any it seems that everyone is now fighting (as I mentioned earlier) either to beat cancer, or to never have to endure the disease. When you become more open to the idea and world of cancer, you pick up on the people who have had it and their incredible stories of remission, and other less fortunate stories of people losing their fight with cancer. The Lederle Family are in my thoughts over this tough time. Your father/husband sounds like an incredible strength, and whatever the outcome, if you can absorb even a fraction of that strength, you will all endure this tough time.

Back to my opening statement that cancer "destroys", it also has an incredible ability to heal. Once the chemo, radiation and operations are over. You will recognize that cancer may leave healed wounds, some fluffy hair and some emotional scars. But it will also pull people together under the most extra-ordinary circumstances. I choose not to let cancer destroy my life, but rather to let it show me how to live.

We are all stronger than we imagine.